When Desperation Calls

I have lost a job before and somehow I understand Capt. Mendoza’s sentiments during the standoff. It’s not easy losing something very important to you much more something you worked for practically your whole life. A job isn’t just work− it is a statement of duty, a symbol of stability and a source of family income. It was being a policeman that defined him so being called off, essentially broke the man down. I couldn’t blame him for being depressed over that because it meant losing food on the table and more than anything throwing away years of service. There he was asking his case to be reviewed and the verdict be substantially proven. Surely, he was fighting for something really valuable to him. He believed his cause so well that he gave in to doing extreme measures. I get that ‘coz as they say, “desperate times, call for desperate measures”. I’m aware of the pain, the personal struggles and perhaps the damaged reputation. But what I don’t understand is how desperate can we really get to have our issues come across?

A lot of questions swim in my mind. Didn’t he have a strong support system? Did his ego suffer such a blow that it uncontrollably plummeted downhill? Hadn't he thought of better ways to have authorities reconsider his case? Didn’t he have enough convictions, “non-negotiables” or ideals to hold him back from doing what he did? Of course, all my answers will simply boil down to: I don’t know.

But what I do know is that there are a number of things that can hold us back from going berserk and dumping reason over emotions during fits of desperation. We have the basic list: family, friends, our dreams, our reputation and a lot more. But there are two more which are innate and I believe more potent than anything else I mentioned above.

Before being a policeman or in my case; a nurse, first and foremost we are FILIPINOS. Scratch the labels off, lay aside the positions and tear the uniforms apart− your profession doesn’t entirely define who you are. Beneath all the layers we are kayumanggis. What we do as policemen, nurses, engineers, teachers or what have you’s doesn’t just represent us as a person; we are collectively representing a profession. The quality of work we produce represents who we are as a people and as a race. I believe each one of us belongs to the grandest scale of things. According to one saying, we can only be as great as the lowest of our kind. What one Filipino does directly and indirectly affects all of us. We are connected by blood and by the inheritance of this land.

I am so heartbroken that Mr. Mendoza overlooked the consequences of his actions. He failed to foresee the misrepresentation of the country and the burden he left his countrymen to bear. I guess this is why we must have our being a Filipino intact in all of us. Our sense of nationalism can prevent us from being rash with our actions and decisions. It helps broaden our understanding that whatever we do can polish or tarnish the name of the Philippines.

Suppose being a Filipino isn’t enough then shouldn’t being a Christian suffice to clear his thoughts and influence his decisions? The Philippines being the “only Christian nation in Asia” has strong sense of values and morals. I would like to believe that every family adapts these to their own. The Ten Commandments also says: “thou shall not kill…” and even if he wasn’t a Christian this is a basic principle in life.

Maybe he was so consumed by his situation that he blindly succumbed to making the wrong decision. Whatever pushed him to do so must probably be hard to resist for him. Indeed, rage and injustice can sometimes make us irrational.

This is a classic example on how many of us lose the right perspective when faced with impossible problems. This is what happens when we turn inward, pity ourselves and close our minds to possibilities. We become too saturated by what we want that we forget thinking twice before committing something we would regret in the future. I wish we could all grow up and learn to hold tight to reason and principles as we would with our emotions.

However we choose to stand in this we can never turn back the time. We can only choose to move forward but in doing so, we should never forget. We as a people have selective amnesia; we don’t remember the tragic things. Sadly, we lose the memories and with it the lessons too.

* A very late post. The pictures used in the blog belong to its respective owners.*